It's my dad's birthday!

Oh happy day! It's May 28th, 2009 and my dad is now 57 years of age as of now. I can't believe how fast the days are FLYING by.

Anyway. Things are going well here in Florida. The last month has just been me working my tail end off and it's just ridiculous because I never get to see Chris due to our extremely opposite work schedules. It seems to be the permanent fix; I work mornings and he works evenings. We got to spend some time together last week, we flew to Detroit to visit my friends and family back home. He was nervous as one would be, meeting a ton of new people, especially my parents. My mom LOVED him. She absolutely adored him. I knew she'd like him so it's no big surprise to me. It was such a relief on both ends though, especially mine because everything just went so well the whole weekend. He seemed comfortable around my family and they seemed to feel the same way around him. All in all, it was awesome in that respect. It was also awesome to see my friends again, who I missed soo bad. It was really hard to think about leaving them behind, knowing there are some people I could never see again or not see for a very, very long time. What makes it so hard is that in Florida I don't really have any real friends yet...I did but a lot of them have already gone back home or we drifted away. I have my co-workers and they are great but it's not the same as having a big group of people that you can hang out with for hours and hours and just live the best nights of your life over again. Even when I do make friends here it won't be the same...we can't reminisce about the ''good ol days'' like I can with my friends at home. I know I have to get over it ...thats life...it happens...but overall it was wonderful being at home, being at a place I know so well and love. Such a change from being here, where everything is still so new and unfamiliar and the only things I can think of when I'm here is about work.

The best part about us going up there was retrieving my car and also a ton of items that I left at home when I moved here. We made excellent time getting back to Orlando from Detroit, I was very pleased with myself! and we didn't get lost AT ALL!! So now that i have my car here, my life is much easier I think. I can come and go as I please, I can run errands and not worry about how its going to take an hour and a half to get four items from Walgreens. I've been able to do the things i need to do.

Speaking of which, me and Chris have spoken more seriously about living together after we finish the college program. Even more recently, we've decided that we are going to go ahead and move in together, and even more recently than that we've decided that we aren't going to wait until August 14th to do it. We started looking the last couple of weeks online at apartments and we visited a couple different ones this week but it seems like everything is so far from work, or in a shitty neighborhood, or too expensive, etc. However we found one that we like and today after work i went up there to take a tour of the apartment and it was amazing! i liked it alot! so I think it's the one that we are going to go for. we just need to do a few things in order to lease it and thats it. we also recently started looking at furniture...ahh, so many expenses!!!! it's making me super nervous knowing that in the next six weeks i'm going to have to worry about my car payment, rent & utilities, groceries, gas money, furniture, etc etc....i only make 7.65 an hour!!!! i'm sure one day, when I'm making a good living, I'll look back on these days and wish I had it so easy again but really, BRING ME THE MONEY NAO! One day at a time I suppose. Anyway, I can't wait to live with Chris...I can't even imagine how great its going to be coming home late and night and curling up in bed with him...I'm so in love with this guy, more than I've ever been with anyone else and there's nothing I want more than to spend every night in his arms. We barely get to see each other often due to work schedules but at least those eight hours every night together would be the best eight hours of my every day.

Well other than that nothing is really new here...same ol same ol!!! i wish something would happen...it's soo dull here. ugh. ohh well it's been raining alot...other than that...thats it!!! Have a fabulous day and thanks for reading.

We're nowhere, and it's now

Well, today is the first of May. An exciting time of year back home because that means warm weather, spring time, flowers, birds, people start uncovering their pools, we see days where it reaches 77 degrees and you'd think people of Michigan have never seen a hot day before because people start turning on their sprinklers and running through them like they are five again. I love, love, love a Michigan May. This year, however, I will not be celebratiing my Cinco De Mayo in the Great Lakes State, I am in Florida, as I have been...and don't get me wrong, I love the hot weather. I love when it's steaming hot outside and I walk into an ice cold air conditioned building; the second the air hits my face I feel like this is where I belong. Love it. But I do miss the way the earth looks when spring emerges after a long, dreadful, cold, icy, bleak winter. it's like everything becomes alive..it reminds me of the scene in Plesantville when the world is slowly becoming full of color..you see the first flower turn red and it's the same way when winter finally makes it's escape for the season and spring comes and the flowers pop out overnight and the trees suddenly are born again with fresh leaves. It's absolutely stunning and I almost feel sorry for those who have lived down south for their whole lives and never experienced such beauty.


I officially extended my employment with Disney until August. For now that is all I know. I know that if I absolutely needed to, there is a possibility of staying until January but I don't want to. I will be still working at the Contemporary Resort which is good, i was slightly worried that i would be moved elsewhere. More importantly Chris (the boyfriend) was able to extend his employment as well. There were some major battles with his extension, but everything worked out in the end like I knew it would which only makes me more sure that we were meant to be together. sounds cheesy, I know, i know.

well basically that's all i have to say. my life is unfortunately not that exciting. haha. well, it's not boring either, but just no new updates for you. hopefully after michigan i'll have something to write about ...ta!

Often I feel inspired to write a blog, or things happen to make me think ''I should BLOG about this!'' but at the end of the day when I sit down at my computer to write a blog, my mind is empty and I feel like I've got nothing to say. Such is life. Woe is me.

In six weeks, I will be home in Michigan. I'm soo excited. I can't wait to see my friends, family, and my cat. I'm excited to be in a place that I know so well, where I am so familiar with all of my surroundings. I'm bringing Chris home with me, to meet my friends and family and get a glimpse of what my life was like pre-Disney lol.

Next week will be amazing as well!!! Me and Chris are taking a four day vacation to San Francisco!! I'm a little nervous about the airplane thing...which I shouldn't be, I should be just fine but I'm nervous, I don't like flying. I'll survive. I haven't had a real vacation in like 10 years .It's going to be amazing not having to worry about anything like work or whatever. and plus it's california, i've never been there and I've always wanted to go! I can't wait! Four full days with my boyfriend, I can't see a better way of spending my time.

Speaking of which, things are going so well with him! I love it..it's just awesome how good our relationship is. I've never felt like this about anybody, ever, and I'm sure that I've said that before but this time it's for real. I can't imagine my life without him, and as amazing as it is to have someone incredible like him, it's also scary because neither one of us is guantanteed that we'll be able to stay here in Florida. Something could go wrong with one of our extensions and then what do we do? What if they deny my request to stay until August? At this moment in time I can't afford to be quite on my own just yet, I need to continue to save some money before that. I'd be forced to move back to Michigan. For some reason, even though I know that I need to be logical, my heart tells me that everything is going to work itself out in the end. I don't want this to end up like how things were with Jeff. I thought that just maybe we'd be able to make it through the four months without each other and that when I came back home we'd be able to start a real relationship but that didn't happen, and I would hate for anything like that to happen with me and Chris if I had to go back home for a few months and come back down in August to live here.

Anyway, nothing else to report. My room mate is moving out next week...I'm so happy...I get to have the bedroom and bathroom to myself for like a whole month. she's kinda weird and messy so I'm glad she'll be gone.

My job here @ the contemporary is going well I guess. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Guests easily get on my nerves, especially lately because they ask the dumbest things. I mean, really? One of my co-workers said yesterday ''I believe the guests leave their brains at home''..i agree. I have a really big pet peeve of people asking ''is this where i check in?" when I'm standing at the front desk, clearly labeled ''Check in/check out''. I get that at least twice a day if not more! and just a variety of other issues.. my tolerance for people is pretty high at this point. I don't think I could work for Disney for my whole life to be honest!

hmmmm soo yea that's all thats going on right now. nothing exciting unfortunately. but i will write after something good actually happens...i just feel bad I'm not keeping up with this thing like i should!!!!

NAUGHTY BLOGGER

Okay so today is March 15th, 2009. I am scheuled in exactly 2 months to depart from Orlando to Detroit, to head back home for the rest of forever.

Okay, not forever, but back to live with my parents for what will FEEL like forever.

However, as I stated in my previous blog (i think...maybe not...) I'm planning on staying here until August. However, it's not really completely up to me whether or not I stay. I have to apply to do so. Tomorrow is the first day that I can do that so I plan on doing it as soon as I can. My new departure date would be August 14th to head back to Michigan.

Why am I making the decision to stay here? aren't I missing my friends and family, my car, my cat, being in a place that I know like the back of my hand (and it's Michigan, so literally...the back of my hand...) going to school, my old job, etc etc? the answer is YES! I am missing all of those things terribly!! Today I saw a girl running from her apartment to the main entrance of Chatham Square to meet her parents and she hugged them excitedly and for a few minutes there I really wished I could see my mom because I miss her so bad. This is the first time in my life where I've been away from home for any longer than just a few days. I've never gone this long without her. I also miss my cat, which I know i've put in like seven posts, because he is the most amazing thing ever. Plus all the other things I do miss, but then I look at how much I love it here and I don't want to go back so soon.

I really enjoy my job, even though sometimes I want to STRANGLE my guests and dangle them from their room on the 11th floor facing the Magic Kingdom side since that's the only room they want in the entire hotel. Sometimes I want to lock them in their room over in the South Garden Building and MAKE them sleep there because that's what they are paying for. Regardless, I love it. I wish those guests knew what it was like to share a bed with someone in a twin size instead of listening to them complain about not getting their king bed. I love my fellow coworkers, I feel like it doesn't really get much better than that. The only sad thing is knowing that once May/August comes, we will all depart from the Contemporary, going back the lives we led before coming here. I also really love the weather here, but that's a given to anyone who lives up north. I don't miss the winter depression that comes every year from November to March, I really don't. And I definitely don't miss waking up at 5AM to scrape the ice and snow off my car before I leave for work. The last few weeks that I spent in Michigan after school ended i spent half of my days laying in bed, NO motivation to do anything.
Florida is so beautiful...and I know Michigan is beautiful too, especially between the months of May-October, where there is life and green, and miles and miles and miles of nothing but farmland and once fall hits, the green disappears and it's anything but ordinary with the trees in their orange, yellow and red glory. That's something that you can't get here (that i know of...maybe you can...shows how often i come here).

but either way, I just feel like this is a place I could live. And i've seriously considered it. Before I got here I always said I wanted to leave Michigan and live in the south somewhere where the weather is nice and there's opportunities for jobs. I haven't done enough reserach on Florida's economy (nor do i really want to...) to know how it compares to Michigans, but i have a strong feeling that in tourism/hospitality, Florida wins. Obviously, working for Disney, I can see that that alone brings in a crazy amount of people from all over the country, and then theres still all the people who stay OFF Disney property (it's way cheaper...) for not only Disney but the other tourist attractions in the area. I KNOW things are bad in Michigan right now...first hand experience my last five weeks at the Utica Courtyard I worked maybe ten hours a week because occupancy was at an all time low. I worked those nights where we had 16% in house. I don't want to go back to that ever again. How will I ever pay off my bills and save money? if I DO return to Michigan (theres a 50/50 chance right now) I have a back up plan for myself, but I can't rely on that, and it's not exactly the most fun back up plan either. at that point, who knows how much longer i'd be stuck in michigan for? Once i'm back there, it's going to take a lot for me to find my way back here again. I'll have to wait til I finish college, and by THAT point who knows where I'll be in my career? I could be just starting a really good job that I can't just walk away from, and then I could fall in love and that person might be stuck in Michigan for whatever reason (good job, undying devotion to his mother, etc) and then BAM! I'm STUCK THERE FOREVER!!!
Nothing else really new to report. My grandfather is in the hospital, on his death bed, it'll be any hour now that he goes. It feels really weird being here and not there with my family at a time like this, but there's nothing I can do. I have obligations here to fulfill. if it were my own father, completely different story. I haven't even seen my grandfather in like four years. He doesn't remember me. He's had alzheimer's for like five or six years so he doesnt really remember me or my sister. My mom said the other day she saw him at the hospital and she was sitting with him and she asked him ''do you remember Allison and Emily?" and she said that he smiled. very strange indeed..maybe he does remember. Yesterday when I talked to her she said his breathing was very soft and his eyes looked like they would never open again. I talked to my dad for the first time in two months yesterday as well. It was really weird...and very small talk.

So i've been living in my new apartment for like 3 weeks...it's going pretty well I think! My in-room room mate said like one word to me in the first seven days, but now she actually talks to me sometimes so it's less awkward. Another one of my room mates has like this on/off switch and she is like...sometimes nice to me, sometimes a real bitch so I've been careful lately. Everyone else is great. I love it. I don't miss my old room mates at all.

what else what else...oh & you'll be happy to know that I've been dating someone for a little while. I don't know how long its been...long enough for me to feel like for the first time in my life I found something real. Even after a long, stressful, exhausting day, he is there to make all of that not matter anymore. I don't want this feeling to ever go away.

Ok so i just wasted like an hour of my day writing this out, and I need to finish my laundry and house work. So I'll update again when something actually happens...have a lovely day.

My biggest flaw

I would like to think of myself as an experienced dater. I haven't spent too much time in long term relationships, most of the men I committ myself to turn into just short term flings. Which to me, has been totally okay...I've had a couple heartbreaks, but no permanent damage...it just means that they were not the one for me. I'm not into the whole ''dating just to date'' thing. It's not about experiencing new people and having someone by my side just so I won't be alone...it's about finding the one who fits my shape, fills the empty space in my heart and makes me feel complete.

Where am I going with all this nonsense? I have no idea. I was just thinking today that my biggest flaw when it comes to having a relationship is honesty. And I'm not talking about lying to my significant other, or hiding information. I'm talking more about raw emotion, real feelings, expression of love and devotion. I am awful at that. Steve always said that the reason he never felt close to me was because I was so bad at telling him how I felt, that he never felt like he knew the real me or how I felt about him. It's awful to know that the feelings I had, even though they weren't as strong as his, were overlooked because I was unable to tell him what was going through my mind. It almost felt like a chore to tell him how amazing he was, or how I couldn't sleep that night because I was up thinking of him and wishing he was there. It would be a chore to tell him all the things I felt and thought, and I'm not sure why...fears of rejection maybe? More like I would feel like a freaking cheeseball...Little things like that...not even the big 3 words that we all *love* so much...just little moments of honesty that put your heart right out there. I'm SO bad at that. I always said my biggest flaw (other than the honesty bit, but ties in with it) is that I care so much, but I am really bad at showing it. Its something I've always wanted to improve on. When someone is hurting, I want to cry with them, but I don't. When someone is spilling their heart out to me about how they can't imagine life without me, I want to scream out that I feel the same way, but I can't. I think this flaw might seem small to some, but to those who have experienced it, it's something that can break a relationship and I don't ever want to be the cause of something great failing just because I'm too much of a wuss to spill my guts.

What's different about him? What's so different that at this point I would write my feelings in the stars just so he would know I feel....he makes me feel alive inside, he makes me feel like I'm home, and this is where I want to be, with him, nowhere else, and I can't imagine going back to feeling anything else. he makes me feel honest with myself and with him, and that is more than I've ever been able to do with anyone. I'm starting to see how people fall in love...I can't wait.

I'm sick of having regrets...I'm sick of wishing that I did things that I never did, saying things I never said, allowing myself to feel things that I wanted to feel only because I was scared of something. Looking at it, WAS i scared of telling ryan the things I wanted to say, was I scared of what steve's reactions would have been? I'm done with that, I'm laying out all my fears and emotions and all my energy on the line for this one guy hoping that giving it my all will help me to see the true meaning of life, and of love.

Until next time...

If I could tell the world one thing....

It's pop, not soda.

Oh, and also, the first language of the United States is English, so...when I don't speak YOUR language, don't flip a nut.


Life in my new apartment is going well. A part of me feels like an intruder, almost like I don't have the same rights as the rest of them do because I didn't move in when they all did but I'm getting more used to being here. My room mate...is weird as hell. In the last six days that I've lived here she has said ONE single word to me. She's pretty rude. I decided living with women is difficult. Not soley based on my experiences but also of my friends down here who have a lot of problems with the people they live with. I'd like to believe I'm pretty easy to live with. I let people do whatever they want and it takes alot for something to get to me. Why can't everyone be like this? Well, if we were all like that we would have no leaders, no bitches, no dominatrixes..etc etc. I think my room mate has never heard of glass cleaner because the mirror and the chrome in my bathroom looked disgusting when I first moved in and still does. I need to tackle that like...today. Also, all of her shit is everywhere. The other day I moved her towels over to make room for mine, and I also folded them and I come into the room to find a note on the mirror that says ''Leave my stuff where it is!'' Okay bitch.

Anyhoo...I miss my cat dearly. Even though I'm most content with how my life is right now there are some days where I just want to grab ahold of him and squeeze him and kiss his cheek and tell him how much I love him, and that nobody can take the place in my heart where I hold him. No matter what kind of shitty day I ever had, just him alone could make everything bad in my world disappear for a little while. Even though he hates when I do that, and you can tell by the look on his face, part of him loves it and you can tell he loves me when he comes and curls up on me late at night when I'm trying to work on my laptop. I can't even count the number of times i'd be laying in bed writing a paper and he'd come sit on my keyboard and just stare at me with his pretty green eyes. yeah, i miss him.

Something worth writing about...

So basically a lot has happened in the past few days since I wrote, but unfortunately not ALL of it can be written on here due to confidentiality agreements that I have signed with the housing management. Even though I highly doubt anyone even reads this thing, I don't want to take chances. So i'll try and give as many details as possible, and i will change names also.


I know in previous posts I have mentioned about NORA who goes fucking crazy over cleanliness in the apartment. INSANE. Like if one thing is left not done she flips a nut. Basically she does that all the time to me and she did it the other night which is stupid because I didn't even use everything and she claims that nothing was washed correctly...which is seriously ridiculous and if I talk about it I'll just get annoyed. Anyway she threw such a fit that we all had to go down to security to write out a statement about what we thought was going on in the apartment. which the only problem I had was with NORA being a cunt. I get home last night around 130AM and theres 2 security officers in my apartment. yeah....I mean I could see if we were robbed, or someone was threatened...but over pots and pans? GET REAL! But yeah I swear on my life this happened. So as I was saying earlier about confidentiality, I can't say what happened at the meeting in here, but basically it was suggested that I move out, and I did just that. Normally it would have taken me about 3 weeks but since this whole shindig happened, I got out TODAY. Not exactly the best day for it...but I don't think I could have lived a single more day with them to be honest. So I also received a call from Casting that my I9 was never on file...which i dont know why because thats impossible....so I had to do that today also. So I've been up since six thirty because of the meeting, and I spent all day running around to Casting and between my old apartment and my new one trying to move all my crap...which there was a TON of it...such a pain. and it was SUPER hot outside today also! It took like four hours haha. Dragging my suitcases up and down stairs when they weight like 40 pounds is not my idea of fun at all...but my new apartment is not bad, the room mates seem very nice and laid back and thats all I can ask for. my in room roommate..not sure about her. she doesn't seem to like life. lol. But I hear shes never home and shes always with her boyfriend so whatever. id ont care. as long as she isn't in my face about things, i'm okay.

So basically to sum up this entry, I am out of shithole USA and now living with new people...hopefully they turn out to be ten times better than my old room mates. they seem like they will be :)


To be honest, when I first started and they were talking about how all of us would probably change apartments at least once or twice during our program, I totally did not think that I would ever do that. I was wrong about that...I also never thought that *I* would turn out to be the crappy room mate!!! i was wrong about alot i guess!! lol...oh well I'm free!!