NAUGHTY BLOGGER

Okay so today is March 15th, 2009. I am scheuled in exactly 2 months to depart from Orlando to Detroit, to head back home for the rest of forever.

Okay, not forever, but back to live with my parents for what will FEEL like forever.

However, as I stated in my previous blog (i think...maybe not...) I'm planning on staying here until August. However, it's not really completely up to me whether or not I stay. I have to apply to do so. Tomorrow is the first day that I can do that so I plan on doing it as soon as I can. My new departure date would be August 14th to head back to Michigan.

Why am I making the decision to stay here? aren't I missing my friends and family, my car, my cat, being in a place that I know like the back of my hand (and it's Michigan, so literally...the back of my hand...) going to school, my old job, etc etc? the answer is YES! I am missing all of those things terribly!! Today I saw a girl running from her apartment to the main entrance of Chatham Square to meet her parents and she hugged them excitedly and for a few minutes there I really wished I could see my mom because I miss her so bad. This is the first time in my life where I've been away from home for any longer than just a few days. I've never gone this long without her. I also miss my cat, which I know i've put in like seven posts, because he is the most amazing thing ever. Plus all the other things I do miss, but then I look at how much I love it here and I don't want to go back so soon.

I really enjoy my job, even though sometimes I want to STRANGLE my guests and dangle them from their room on the 11th floor facing the Magic Kingdom side since that's the only room they want in the entire hotel. Sometimes I want to lock them in their room over in the South Garden Building and MAKE them sleep there because that's what they are paying for. Regardless, I love it. I wish those guests knew what it was like to share a bed with someone in a twin size instead of listening to them complain about not getting their king bed. I love my fellow coworkers, I feel like it doesn't really get much better than that. The only sad thing is knowing that once May/August comes, we will all depart from the Contemporary, going back the lives we led before coming here. I also really love the weather here, but that's a given to anyone who lives up north. I don't miss the winter depression that comes every year from November to March, I really don't. And I definitely don't miss waking up at 5AM to scrape the ice and snow off my car before I leave for work. The last few weeks that I spent in Michigan after school ended i spent half of my days laying in bed, NO motivation to do anything.
Florida is so beautiful...and I know Michigan is beautiful too, especially between the months of May-October, where there is life and green, and miles and miles and miles of nothing but farmland and once fall hits, the green disappears and it's anything but ordinary with the trees in their orange, yellow and red glory. That's something that you can't get here (that i know of...maybe you can...shows how often i come here).

but either way, I just feel like this is a place I could live. And i've seriously considered it. Before I got here I always said I wanted to leave Michigan and live in the south somewhere where the weather is nice and there's opportunities for jobs. I haven't done enough reserach on Florida's economy (nor do i really want to...) to know how it compares to Michigans, but i have a strong feeling that in tourism/hospitality, Florida wins. Obviously, working for Disney, I can see that that alone brings in a crazy amount of people from all over the country, and then theres still all the people who stay OFF Disney property (it's way cheaper...) for not only Disney but the other tourist attractions in the area. I KNOW things are bad in Michigan right now...first hand experience my last five weeks at the Utica Courtyard I worked maybe ten hours a week because occupancy was at an all time low. I worked those nights where we had 16% in house. I don't want to go back to that ever again. How will I ever pay off my bills and save money? if I DO return to Michigan (theres a 50/50 chance right now) I have a back up plan for myself, but I can't rely on that, and it's not exactly the most fun back up plan either. at that point, who knows how much longer i'd be stuck in michigan for? Once i'm back there, it's going to take a lot for me to find my way back here again. I'll have to wait til I finish college, and by THAT point who knows where I'll be in my career? I could be just starting a really good job that I can't just walk away from, and then I could fall in love and that person might be stuck in Michigan for whatever reason (good job, undying devotion to his mother, etc) and then BAM! I'm STUCK THERE FOREVER!!!
Nothing else really new to report. My grandfather is in the hospital, on his death bed, it'll be any hour now that he goes. It feels really weird being here and not there with my family at a time like this, but there's nothing I can do. I have obligations here to fulfill. if it were my own father, completely different story. I haven't even seen my grandfather in like four years. He doesn't remember me. He's had alzheimer's for like five or six years so he doesnt really remember me or my sister. My mom said the other day she saw him at the hospital and she was sitting with him and she asked him ''do you remember Allison and Emily?" and she said that he smiled. very strange indeed..maybe he does remember. Yesterday when I talked to her she said his breathing was very soft and his eyes looked like they would never open again. I talked to my dad for the first time in two months yesterday as well. It was really weird...and very small talk.

So i've been living in my new apartment for like 3 weeks...it's going pretty well I think! My in-room room mate said like one word to me in the first seven days, but now she actually talks to me sometimes so it's less awkward. Another one of my room mates has like this on/off switch and she is like...sometimes nice to me, sometimes a real bitch so I've been careful lately. Everyone else is great. I love it. I don't miss my old room mates at all.

what else what else...oh & you'll be happy to know that I've been dating someone for a little while. I don't know how long its been...long enough for me to feel like for the first time in my life I found something real. Even after a long, stressful, exhausting day, he is there to make all of that not matter anymore. I don't want this feeling to ever go away.

Ok so i just wasted like an hour of my day writing this out, and I need to finish my laundry and house work. So I'll update again when something actually happens...have a lovely day.

My biggest flaw

I would like to think of myself as an experienced dater. I haven't spent too much time in long term relationships, most of the men I committ myself to turn into just short term flings. Which to me, has been totally okay...I've had a couple heartbreaks, but no permanent damage...it just means that they were not the one for me. I'm not into the whole ''dating just to date'' thing. It's not about experiencing new people and having someone by my side just so I won't be alone...it's about finding the one who fits my shape, fills the empty space in my heart and makes me feel complete.

Where am I going with all this nonsense? I have no idea. I was just thinking today that my biggest flaw when it comes to having a relationship is honesty. And I'm not talking about lying to my significant other, or hiding information. I'm talking more about raw emotion, real feelings, expression of love and devotion. I am awful at that. Steve always said that the reason he never felt close to me was because I was so bad at telling him how I felt, that he never felt like he knew the real me or how I felt about him. It's awful to know that the feelings I had, even though they weren't as strong as his, were overlooked because I was unable to tell him what was going through my mind. It almost felt like a chore to tell him how amazing he was, or how I couldn't sleep that night because I was up thinking of him and wishing he was there. It would be a chore to tell him all the things I felt and thought, and I'm not sure why...fears of rejection maybe? More like I would feel like a freaking cheeseball...Little things like that...not even the big 3 words that we all *love* so much...just little moments of honesty that put your heart right out there. I'm SO bad at that. I always said my biggest flaw (other than the honesty bit, but ties in with it) is that I care so much, but I am really bad at showing it. Its something I've always wanted to improve on. When someone is hurting, I want to cry with them, but I don't. When someone is spilling their heart out to me about how they can't imagine life without me, I want to scream out that I feel the same way, but I can't. I think this flaw might seem small to some, but to those who have experienced it, it's something that can break a relationship and I don't ever want to be the cause of something great failing just because I'm too much of a wuss to spill my guts.

What's different about him? What's so different that at this point I would write my feelings in the stars just so he would know I feel....he makes me feel alive inside, he makes me feel like I'm home, and this is where I want to be, with him, nowhere else, and I can't imagine going back to feeling anything else. he makes me feel honest with myself and with him, and that is more than I've ever been able to do with anyone. I'm starting to see how people fall in love...I can't wait.

I'm sick of having regrets...I'm sick of wishing that I did things that I never did, saying things I never said, allowing myself to feel things that I wanted to feel only because I was scared of something. Looking at it, WAS i scared of telling ryan the things I wanted to say, was I scared of what steve's reactions would have been? I'm done with that, I'm laying out all my fears and emotions and all my energy on the line for this one guy hoping that giving it my all will help me to see the true meaning of life, and of love.

Until next time...

If I could tell the world one thing....

It's pop, not soda.

Oh, and also, the first language of the United States is English, so...when I don't speak YOUR language, don't flip a nut.


Life in my new apartment is going well. A part of me feels like an intruder, almost like I don't have the same rights as the rest of them do because I didn't move in when they all did but I'm getting more used to being here. My room mate...is weird as hell. In the last six days that I've lived here she has said ONE single word to me. She's pretty rude. I decided living with women is difficult. Not soley based on my experiences but also of my friends down here who have a lot of problems with the people they live with. I'd like to believe I'm pretty easy to live with. I let people do whatever they want and it takes alot for something to get to me. Why can't everyone be like this? Well, if we were all like that we would have no leaders, no bitches, no dominatrixes..etc etc. I think my room mate has never heard of glass cleaner because the mirror and the chrome in my bathroom looked disgusting when I first moved in and still does. I need to tackle that like...today. Also, all of her shit is everywhere. The other day I moved her towels over to make room for mine, and I also folded them and I come into the room to find a note on the mirror that says ''Leave my stuff where it is!'' Okay bitch.

Anyhoo...I miss my cat dearly. Even though I'm most content with how my life is right now there are some days where I just want to grab ahold of him and squeeze him and kiss his cheek and tell him how much I love him, and that nobody can take the place in my heart where I hold him. No matter what kind of shitty day I ever had, just him alone could make everything bad in my world disappear for a little while. Even though he hates when I do that, and you can tell by the look on his face, part of him loves it and you can tell he loves me when he comes and curls up on me late at night when I'm trying to work on my laptop. I can't even count the number of times i'd be laying in bed writing a paper and he'd come sit on my keyboard and just stare at me with his pretty green eyes. yeah, i miss him.

Something worth writing about...

So basically a lot has happened in the past few days since I wrote, but unfortunately not ALL of it can be written on here due to confidentiality agreements that I have signed with the housing management. Even though I highly doubt anyone even reads this thing, I don't want to take chances. So i'll try and give as many details as possible, and i will change names also.


I know in previous posts I have mentioned about NORA who goes fucking crazy over cleanliness in the apartment. INSANE. Like if one thing is left not done she flips a nut. Basically she does that all the time to me and she did it the other night which is stupid because I didn't even use everything and she claims that nothing was washed correctly...which is seriously ridiculous and if I talk about it I'll just get annoyed. Anyway she threw such a fit that we all had to go down to security to write out a statement about what we thought was going on in the apartment. which the only problem I had was with NORA being a cunt. I get home last night around 130AM and theres 2 security officers in my apartment. yeah....I mean I could see if we were robbed, or someone was threatened...but over pots and pans? GET REAL! But yeah I swear on my life this happened. So as I was saying earlier about confidentiality, I can't say what happened at the meeting in here, but basically it was suggested that I move out, and I did just that. Normally it would have taken me about 3 weeks but since this whole shindig happened, I got out TODAY. Not exactly the best day for it...but I don't think I could have lived a single more day with them to be honest. So I also received a call from Casting that my I9 was never on file...which i dont know why because thats impossible....so I had to do that today also. So I've been up since six thirty because of the meeting, and I spent all day running around to Casting and between my old apartment and my new one trying to move all my crap...which there was a TON of it...such a pain. and it was SUPER hot outside today also! It took like four hours haha. Dragging my suitcases up and down stairs when they weight like 40 pounds is not my idea of fun at all...but my new apartment is not bad, the room mates seem very nice and laid back and thats all I can ask for. my in room roommate..not sure about her. she doesn't seem to like life. lol. But I hear shes never home and shes always with her boyfriend so whatever. id ont care. as long as she isn't in my face about things, i'm okay.

So basically to sum up this entry, I am out of shithole USA and now living with new people...hopefully they turn out to be ten times better than my old room mates. they seem like they will be :)


To be honest, when I first started and they were talking about how all of us would probably change apartments at least once or twice during our program, I totally did not think that I would ever do that. I was wrong about that...I also never thought that *I* would turn out to be the crappy room mate!!! i was wrong about alot i guess!! lol...oh well I'm free!!

bad blogger, once again

It has come to my attention that I'm a very naughty blogger. but to be quite honest, nothing is really going on that is worth mentioning, in my opinion. My job is going well...it's not sucking as bad as it was the last time I wrote. Our current and recent convention guests aren't shitty like the others were. So things at work are going well I'd say. Now that we're all trained at the front desk, it's a lot of fun working with the other CP's. I've come to enjoy their company at work and finally I feel like home there. I couldn't ask for more. I also feel very lucky that most of the CP's @ the contemporary aren't retarded because I've come across ALOT of retards since I've got here. People with like half a brain and no idea what reality is. honestly.

Other than working, I don't really do MUCH else. I have NO car, which makes me feel like i'm in prison because I have to rely on others to get me to where I need to get to. I've spent a couple more times at the Magic Kingdom and Epcot but nothing really facinating with that.

I have a decision that I need to start thinking about, quite honestly, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm already going on being here for 2 months, and I only have about 2 more months left to go. Part of me is looking forward to returning home and seeing my friends, family, and my baby milo, and also to going back to the utica courtyard and also having my CAR again. On the other side of it, I'm loving it here and I feel like this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I should take FULL advantage of while I'm here. So, a part of me wants to extend my program and stay until August. I really don't know what I'm going to do. I just feel like leaving in just 2 months is not enough time here...I've waited so long to be here and time is just flying by. However, if I do extend, the biggest and best thing would be getting new room mates. lol. So yeah I'm really not sure what I'm going to do. I was all set on moving back home but I just don't want to leave as soon as I start feeling like this is where I want to be. I'm considering flying back home on the 15th since i have a round trip ticket, and then driving my car back down with me for the remaining months. I'm not sure how my parents would feel about that, so first I would have to talk to them. I think that would be most ideal though.

Hmm, what else...we had an apartment inspection the other day...well yesterday. my room mates were going ape shit over EVERYTHING. the one girl is obsessive about cleanliness, and while I like a clean apartment as well, I don't go insane over stupid things like she does. We wound up exceeding cleanliness in our inspection and got what they call ''the white glove'' haha. because of that we received two boxes of chocolate...oh yea! my mom will be proud haha.

before i wrap this up...there is ''sort of'' a new guy in my life. I know right? I told everyone before I came down that I was going to refrain from dating at all because I knew that it wouldn't work out since whoever I meet would probably live far from me...most people I've met are NOT from Michigan. I was doing pretty well with the whole thing but this guy is nothing short of incredible. I thought possibly maybe I felt this way just because I'm feeling lonely here at times and maybe I'm just looking for someone to attach myself to, but the more I've gotten to know him and be around him the more I realize this isn't the case, and even if I was back home, he's the kind of guy that I would want to share my time with. It's hard knowing that no matter what happens here it's probably not going to work out in the end only because we live so far away. I'm not going to think of it that way, and for now doing my best to live in the moment and save my worries for another time.

well I believe that is all for the time being, I will TRY to update this more often but really, my life is NOT that INTERESTING!

HOOP DE DOO! HOOP DE DOO!

Okay honestly if I were you, I'd think that I was a terrible blogger because I never fucking update this thing. The thing is I'm so busy with my ''facinating'' life that I don't have time! But now that I have a few moments, I will update about whats new with me!

mmmkay. now where did I leave off? I don't even know. I left off with my first week of training and evaluations when i started by myself.
Work is going alright I'd say. I've been working some fucking crazy hours and it literally killed me, I came down with some sort of infection or whatever and I lost my voice completely and felt like such crap. i actually called in for 2 days because I knew I would not make it through my shift alive. It was my first time EVER calling in to a job, but I had no choice. What did they want me to do? I guess what I could have done was gone in and waited for them to see how sick I was and then send me home, but whatever. It's over and done. People call in. It happens.

Anyway so the guests at my job have been driving me out of my fucking mind lately, it's insane. We have these guests in for a convention and theres a few I've had from that who have been terribly rude and stepping all over me because they know they can and I can't do anything about it. It's really fucking annoying. I had a lady bitch at me because she was paying for a standard view and we gave her a garden view upgrade and she claimed she was supposed to have a Magic Kingdom view but that request wasnt even in the reservation and we were completely sold out and nothing was available. so she was pissed about that. Then when I told her that her room was in our other building she flipped a nut. Then she found out her room was on the first floor and it was like I killed her child. I have never been treated so disrespectfully at any of my jobs like I have been the past few days. She was yelling and bitching at me even though I called people and tried getting her room changed. I had a few more guests do the same exact thing, throw a freaking hissy fit over something so stupid. and of course, these guests come back down 30 mins later, ask for a manager, and the manager changes their room for them. fucking ridiculous. I think thats the worst part of all. Why can't the manager be like ''umm sorry lady but youre fucked, we're sold out and you are staying in the room we gave you''? no, instead they have to say things like oh sure we'll move your room for you! lets just bump somebody else who was assigned that room and give them your shitty view. It really really bothers me when this happens. So Friday I had a lot of crappy people and I worked until 230 in the morning. I came home at 4 and went to bed and had to be up at 8 the next morning to go to work from 1030 until 230 the NEXT morning, so thats like sixteen hours. After a night like Friday I was NOT looking forward to dealing with more shitty people. And there were plenty of them. I was pretty much dying in the break room by midnight because i was so tired. yesterday i worked a normal shift finally, and pretty much all of my guests were good! nobody complained about their room and only one guest was upset because he couldnt get a king sized bed. tough luck! to be honest, i don't care if you are a VIP guest, you can sleep in a queen size.

Anyway, thats work. Oh yeah by the way I received an award at work for outstanding guest service. isn't that awesome? going on my resume.

Other than that...things with my room mates are going just fine...I don't really see them that often though.

Today I was off finally. me and blair and steve went to blizzard beach, which is a water park and it was a lot of fun! we got in for free so that was sweet. I had never been to a water park before and i really enjoyed it except for this huge slide we went on, I hated it because you catch air on the second bump down and you like vertically drop! i think i INHALED water! it was awful!!! but everything else was so much fun. Later on, we went to this show called Hoop De Doo at Fort Wilderness and it was fucking amazing!! best show i've seen since i got here!! it was a dinner show with unlimited food and drinks for like thirty bucks. good deal and awesome show!! i can't say it enough. i loved the southern/country/can can dancing theme that it had. it was hilarious too!! alot of audience involvement and songs and clapping and the whole deal.

Anyway I'm going to bed now, me and blair and her room mate are going to Animal Kingdom and Epcot tomorrow. I'll take pictures..haha...peace out.

Room mates...you either love 'em or you hate 'em

So when I started this program I knew what I was getting myself into by moving in with five complete strangers. Luckily I met up with my room mate Lindsey on facebook a couple months prior to moving here so i knew what she was like and knew that she was the type of person I can live with.

At first things were really great, everyone seemed to be nice and drama free and yeah. One girl specifically, who I'll call....Nora.....didn't care much for her, she was loud and just kinda eh. Not a big fan of girls like her but I figured I'd deal.

So this Nora chick starts making up random house rules which I believed were aimed at me for some reason. Now, I don't think I'm a bad room mate. I'm not a slob and I clean up after myself though I admit that sometimes I'm not a neat freak. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Well lately, and its really hard to xplain this all at once, but lately it feels like Nora and some of the other girls are turning against me...like theres this new rule that if you use a pot, wash it because we only have a few. So I do that. I've seen Nora leave pots in the sink to dry, and when I did that she freaked out and made a new rule: dry it and put it away. SERIOUSLY. who gives a shit? as long as they aren't piled up in the sink, i say who cares? i have better things to do with my time anyway. I also feel like they are talking about me behind my back and saying things that aren't true. I know this sounds like I'm paranoid but the anger that came from me to write this blog followed after what happened today.

Today I called into work because I'm sick and have no voice. I woke up, made some soup, went back to bed, woke up, made noodles, went back to my room, went to blair's, came home after a few hours. I come into my room and there is a pot lid sitting on my bed! It's OBVIOUSLY not washed, and has been used, but I have no idea who by. NOT ME! I'm pissed. i was so pissed that i started crying. Thats what I do when i'm pissed. I don't know what else to say or do about it. I want desperately to go out there and YELL at my room mates and find out who put it there but I 'm such a chicken, and I have no voice, and i'm terrible at confrontation. I get so nervous and shakey when I try to confront someone. but i mean, it's NOT MINE! And I'm also afraid that if I bring it out to them and say its not m ine they are just gonna say that i do a terrible job with washing the dishes and thats why they thought it was mine.

Anyway yeah I'm just very upset. I realy wish Lindsey was here so I could rant to someone because she doesn't seem to be in the drama of the kitchen cleanliness like the others. She's probably the ONLY other one who isn't. it's starting to drive me crazy. I am almost tempted to move out and move in with someone else but I'm just gonna wait and see what happens. I don't think lindsey is coming home tonight, i'm not sure if shes working or what but last night was with her sister at a hotel room so i'm not sure if shes there tonight again or what. I wonder what shes thinking about all this. I mean yeah it's nice having a clean apartment but do we have to be SO crazy about it? lots of times i'm in a hurry to get to work or something and i don't really look over the kitchen to make sure its in perfect shape. and this lid thing really makes me angry!!! i don't even know. i really wish my cat was here. i want to hold him so bad. it's times like these where i really miss my mom. i hate when home doesn't feel like home.